I'm hot
by remuswolfylupin
Summary: In which Kurt is a dreadful Mary Sue who is sad cause he can't get a boyfriend. MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS, NOT TROLLING.


_Okay, legit, this is purely for you alls entertainment. Har har. I AM NOT TROLLING HERE. Hahahaha. I was bored, this popped into my head, and after several minutes of dying of laughter I finally just wrote it. _

_I absolutely love Kurt. I really do. And I love Glee. I just thought this would be hilarious and something people could read if they were in desperate need of a few lolz._

_As always, I don't own Glee or Glee related things. Actually, I do own quite a few nice Glee posters and a pillow that is purple and says 'Free Your Glee' it's pretty sweet. But you know that's not what I meant. _

_ENJOY._

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><p>So my life sucks because I get picked on all the time and can't ever get a boyfriend. I mean, there is this one guy, Karofsky, who picks on me all the time. I guess that means he likes me, cause when I was younger I heard that boys pick on girls they like sometimes. Then again I'm not a girl so does that still count? Yeah. It probably does. He's so into me.<p>

But it's still upsetting sometimes when he bumps roughly into me by accident and I run into lockers. And the slushies feel good on a hot day, but not when I'm wearing a brand new Marc Jacobs top. Plus he makes 'your momma' jokes at me and, dude, my mom's dead. That is so insensitive. Sometimes I even cry.

But it's always nice knowing that at least someone likes me and pays a lot of attention to me. Maybe we'll move past any petty differences some time in the future and he'll realize he is in love with me and then we'll have awesome kids together and life will be awesome.

I guess it would just be nice to find a more sensitive guy who was in love with me. Like when I spied on those Dalton Academy Warblers the other day. That soloist was freaking hot. And when he sang 'Teenage Dream'? Yeah. So for me.

He even asked for my number cause I'm sure he just wants to see me again. How nice. He was even concerned cause he doesn't think Karofsky will treat me as well as someone else might. Probably thinking that someone else is himself. Hehe.

So you're probably thinking I'm, like, totally conceited right now. I really am not, but, heck, it's not like I look terrible or anything. I have really pretty porcelain skin, and these gorgeous blue eyes. Not to mention I take, like, several hours to get ready in the morning so my hair and everything is perfect. Sometimes I just have to look in the mirror and go: I'm hot.

You'd think I'd have boys clamoring all over to get with me, but nope. Not here. Not in this lame town where pretty much everyone is as straight as a ruler. With some flexibility of course – for those who are stuck in the closet - considering you get those rubber rulers some times. Aren't I smart?

Oh but now Karofsky has a girlfriend...yet he still picks on me. Like, what the heck is up with that? You shouldn't continue treating me like this when you're attached. Whatever. I have Blaine now and he's awesome and treats me right.

Such a shame he doesn't attend the same school. Maybe we can get coffee together sometime. I just hope he doesn't get jealous cause I'm still here with Karofsky while he's over there without me.

So, we went for coffee. Like, why do all the boys I like have to either be straight or perfectly oblivious to the fact that I'm in love with them? We haven't known each other long but oh my god I just know he's the one for me. It's just too perfect.

It sucks that life just likes to keep on kicking me when I'm down.

Now I'm going to Dalton too though so I get to see Blaine, like, every day. He still doesn't realize how much I'm in love with him, but that's alright cause at least we get to be close. We did this little Christmas song duet together and I swear he would have realized it by then, but nope. Ah well.

Valentine's day came and went. Lonely as ever, of course. I spent some of the time with my friends from my old school, like Mercedes and Rachel, cause they're awesome. Then I actually did school work – SCHOOL WORK – too because I got bored. Found out Blaine totally has this thing for some Jeremiah dude. I locked myself in my room and cried because, hello, he was totally flirty with me this whole time and now I find out it was, like, nothing.

Again, my life sucks.

So, this bird I loved so much passed away. I cried a lot, especially because it seems like everything goes wrong with stuff when I'm around. Rachel helped me pick out a proper funeral attire for the bird and I even sang for it, because I'm super nice like that.

OH MY GOD. I HAVE, LIKE, THE BEST LIFE EVER. Like, legit.

So I was decorating the bird's little casket thingy and Blaine came in and he was talking and oh my god he kissed me and it was awesome.

Yeah. I even thought that in my head in all one breath. I'm that excited.

So...now I guess we're, like, boyfriends or something, which is awesome. Life is awesome. I am awesome.

And, like, Blaine is hot and I'm hot.

We're both hot.

Like, supermegafoxyawesomehot.


End file.
